


Sounds like my least favorite nightmare

by carolc24



Series: UT/MH crossover nonsense [5]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, But mainly it’s just, Fire, Flashbacks, Gaster mentioned posthumously, Gen, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, Martyr Complex, Nightmare Sequence, No one dies though, Parent Death, Suicide Pact, invasive thoughts, more like the narrative kind than the post traumatic stress kind, suicide ideation, the operator is in this one!, you could probably call this horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-27 22:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16228460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolc24/pseuds/carolc24
Summary: There are a lot of bad things that could happen to Papyrus or Sans.  Papyrus tries not to think about it too much.  But sometimes he can’t avoid it.





	Sounds like my least favorite nightmare

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zefive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zefive/gifts).



_“I brought you a glass of water. Alphys says you need it.”_

_“...”_

_“I also brought some chips. They’re the ketchup kind.”_

_“...”_

_“Okay, I’ll just leave them here.”_

_“...”_

_“...I don’t know how to help you, Sans. I don’t understand you when you aren’t talking.”_

_“...”_

_“Dad wouldn’t want you to-“_

_“Get out.”_

_He ran before Sans could say anything else. He ran to the other side of the house and into a closet, as far away from Sans as possible. He used a blanket to muffle his crying._

—————

He’s in his room, and it’s too cold and too dark and he’s huddled in the corner. The creature is in the opposite corner, watching him, and looking at it makes his mind turn to noise, drowning everything out but the fear.

Sans is here, too, and he’s trying to get Papyrus to move. “You need to calm down,” he says. “There’s nothing else in here, ok? Just us.” The thing keeps staring, and it’s reaching out for him. “No one’s there.” And then Sans is gone, and the thing is in his place, and Papyrus’s head fills with he is mine now. and foolish child. and do as you are told. and he’s thrashing and screaming and bring him back, bring him back, bring him back-

The thing is gone, and Papyrus is alone.

—————

_After three days, Alphys said she’d talk to Sans. Papyrus had tried seven times to get him out of his room. Nothing had worked. It was like Sans was going farther into himself as time went on._

_Papyrus had a few more ideas. There were some foods Sans liked that Papyrus hadn’t offered to him yet. Papyrus didn’t know how to make most of them, but maybe he could look up recipes, and then ask Alphys to buy ingredients and show him how to use the stove._

_He had to stay positive. If Sans thought Papyrus might be losing hope, then nothing he did would work anymore, and Sans would never leave his room. And what would happen then? Papyrus didn’t want to think about it._

——————

And then Papyrus is in the living room, and he’s not alone, Sans is sitting on the couch, alive and well, his head in his hands.

“I can still feel it, in my head.” Sans sobs, and it’s wretched and wrong-sounding and it buries itself in Papyrus’s mind, never to leave.

“Papyrus...” He takes a shaky breath. “Why did you let this happen?”

Papyrus flinches. This isn’t his fault. He couldn’t have done anything. Sans doesn’t mean it, he can’t.

“Why didn’t you stop it? You knew it was there. Couldn’t you have done something?”

Sans isn’t angry. Papyrus could handle anger. But Sans is afraid and haunted and confused, and Papyrus doesn’t know how to handle that.

What could he have done? Maybe there was a solution, and he was just too stupid to see it. Or maybe he’s known for a long time what the solution is, and just didn’t want to think about it.

“You know what it said to me?” Sans’s voice is completely flat now. “It wants me to kill you. Clean up loose ends. And then I kill more people, and I spread the infection.”

Then Sans smiles, and it’s just like how he smiled when they were younger. It unnerves Papyrus.

“Well, I have different plans. We’re going to stop this thing, once and for all.”

—————

_He decided to wait outside Sans’s room, in case Alphys needed him for anything. He heard Sans’s flat, almost whispering voice through the door._

_“Why did this happen?”_

_"I don’t know... life really sucks, sometimes.”_

_“I can’t do this anymore, Alphys. There’s nothing left for me.”_

_“What about Papyrus?”_

_“Heh... he doesn’t need me. He’d be better off without me.”_

_“...”_

_“...what are you doing?”_

_“You told me you were hoarding sleeping pills. I’m taking them away.”_

_“S’fine.”_

_“...”_

_“...That’s not the only way I could do it.”_

_“I’ll stop you, if you try. I’m not going to let you die right now.”_

_“You can’t keep an eye on me forever.”_

_Papyrus stood up. He had to talk to Sans. He put his hand on the doorknob and started to turn it when he realized that Sans would just lie to him. Sans didn’t trust Papyrus, only Alphys. If he went in the room, he’d only make things worse._

_“....what was that noise?”_

_“...”_

_“Sans, I think Papyrus heard us.”_

_...He ran._

—————

“Are you afraid?”

Papyrus can’t move. He tries again and again to make himself stand up, run away, tell Sans that he shouldn’t do this! But nothing happens.

Sans must see something like fear on his face, or his trembling hands, or the tears welling up in his eyes, because he grimaces. “It’s all right, bro. I know it seems scary, but this is the right thing.” 

Then he laughs, and it isn’t a good laugh. “Actually... you’ve wanted to do this for a long time, haven’t you?”

He doesn’t want to die. He doesn’t!

He’d read a book about a child with the miraculous power to heal the world around him. The child would find injured animals and hold them until their wounds were healed, only to find identical wounds on his own body. He used his power to heal everything from fevers to broken legs to the deepest sicknesses of the soul, taking it all on himself until he finally died saving his village.

Papyrus would spend a lot of time imagining what he would do with that power. People would come to him from far and wide, and they would tell him what was causing them pain, and he would put his hands on their shoulders and draw it all out, and they would leave with a smile, unburdened, while he faces the pain for them.

He would imagine sneaking into Sans’s room at night and slowly, secretly siphoning away his brother’s lingering depression. Sans would smile and joke and play pranks and hang out with Alphys and not stare at the wall for hours or hide a bottle of sleeping pills in his sock drawer or look at Papyrus with those empty eyes. Sans would be so happy, he wouldn’t even think about Papyrus anymore.

When things get really bad, he would imagine saving his father. He would push through the rubble of the caved in lab and find his father at his bench, trying to protect himself from the fire raging around them, and he would put his hands on his father’s shoulders and focus, and his father would stop coughing up polluted, smoky magic and his burns would disappear and reappear on Papyrus’s body, and every time his father breathed in more smoke, Papyrus would take the damage, holding on until he knows the royal guards have found them, only then allowing himself to turn to dust, and his father would get up and go home to Sans and tell him how he survived a fire because of a miracle, and they would both be happy. And Papyrus would be dead, but that wasn’t the important thing, just... it would be nice, to rest. To be unburdened, in a different way.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Sans smiles sadly. He unscrews the cap off the bottle of gasoline and starts to pour it into the floor. “What we’re doing, this is healing. We’re a disease, Papyrus. This is just disinfecting.” As he pours gasoline over Papyrus’s drawings and tapes, he looks into his eyes and smiles again. “Don’t worry. In a few minutes, it’ll all be over.”

He lights a match.

——————

_Alphys found him panicking in the closet and helped him get through it. She taught him breathing exercises. She told him that Sans wasn’t going to die. She said everything would be fine soon._

_Papyrus wanted to ask her to move in. Alone, he wasn’t good enough to keep Sans alive. With Alphys, maybe they had a chance. But he couldn’t ask so much of her._

_Instead, he would have to get better._

_He spent the rest of the day on his phone, reading about depression. Medical definitions, treatments, advice on how to manage depression, advice on what to do when someone you love is depressed, stories about what it feels like to be depressed. It made his stomach hurt. He took notes, keeping a list of things that might be useful._

_He kept reading until his eyes hurt, and even then he couldn’t stop. Then he heard Sans’s door opening, and he hid the notes under the couch cushions._

_With Papyrus’s help, Sans got down the stairs and onto the couch. He, Papyrus and Alphys ate leftovers together, and Sans broke down crying after eating one bite._

_“It’s Dad’s cooking,” he said in between sobs. “This is the last time we get to eat Dad’s cooking.”_

_After a lot of crying, Papyrus and Alphys managed to get Sans to eat more. Then he fell asleep on the couch. When he woke up, his blank stare was gone. He hugged Papyrus and said sorry for what he said, and Papyrus hugged him back and said it’s okay. Neither of them talked about what Papyrus overheard._

_Papyrus kept his notes in his room, just in case. He also started checking Sans’s room for pills while Sans was at work. Just in case._

—————

The air is heavy with smoke. Towels block the air vent and the narrow opening under the bedroom door, so the smoke won’t escape. Papyrus can’t see anything but grey, and each breath makes his entire body sting. Everything feels distant.

He’s being supported by Sans, who’s coughing and wheezing. The noise hurts more than breathing does.

“Russ....” Sans coughs weakly. His voice is thin. “I’m sorry. I was a pretty awful brother to you.” The arm wrapped around Papyrus’s middle gets tighter. It cuts off Papyrus’s already shallow breathing. The room spins, and his vision fills with spots.

“I love you, bro. I love you so much. Please... don’t forget that...” Sans’s grip goes slack, and Papyrus feels himself tip over onto the floor.

He’s failed. He was supposed to keep Sans alive and happy, and he’s failed his brother again. And now, because of his uselessness, they’re going to die.

With the last of his power, he hopes the creature will take them away. He doesn’t want to die. He’d rather face the creature. And maybe he can find a way to protect Sans after all. 

He doesn’t want to die. But for Sans, he would.

Everything goes black.

—————

“Papyrus...”

_“... I don’t know what to do anymore.”_

_“I wish Dad was here.”_

He needs air. He can’t breathe right.

“...need to...”

_“It’s not fair.”_

_“I had to grow up so quickly. I don’t think I did it right.”_

It’s so hot. He can’t see, but he can feel the flames, inches away. Will he last long enough to burn?

“...you need to breathe.”

He’s dying.

_“I’m sorry.”_

“Papyrus! It’s just a bad dream. Can you hear me?”

...is he dying? It doesn’t hurt to breathe anymore. He can’t taste the smoke or the gas.

“Good, now try to breathe. In and out. Good. Are you awake?”

Papyrus opens his eyes.

It’s dark. No fire, no smoke. No little lights from a TV or computer, no sounds of machinery. He must be in Sans’s room.

Sans is talking to him. Papyrus can see him now, his eyes adjusting to the darkness. He’s sitting on the mattress next to Papyrus, and he’s saying something, but it’s all jumbled. All Papyrus hears is his breathing. No wheezing or coughing or thin little voice.

Just a dream. Sans is alive. Papyrus is alive. Sans doesn’t hate Papyrus.

“Just a dream?” asks Papyrus.

“Just a dream,” replies Sans. Papyrus can understand him now.

“Why is it so hot?” asks Papyrus.

“Probably the fever,” says Sans. “Does anything hurt?”

Papyrus shakes his head no. But his stomach does hurt a little. Something’s wrong. He asks, “Did I wake you up?”

Sans doesn’t answer, which means the answer is yes. This is bad, Papyrus thinks. Sans needs his sleep. A regular sleep schedule is one of the best treatments for depression. Sans is losing that, which means he’s going to get bad again, and Papyrus can try to help, but he wasn’t good enough last time. Maybe Alphys could help, but she can’t keep an eye on Sans forever... 

...when was the last time Papyrus searched Sans’s room? Could Sans have pills hidden somewhere right now? How long will it take for him to decide it’s not worth it anymore? Papyrus can see himself now, sprinkling his brother’s dust next to Dad’s. He won’t allow himself any more friends after that. Anyone who likes Papyrus too much dies. He’s so horrible. He shouldn’t even exist. After Sans dies, he’ll run away and live deep in the woods and just wait there until he starves. He’ll relish every second he spends rotting away in the snow.

With every thought, his stomach hurts more and more, and it gets harder to breathe. Soon, he’s nauseous and gasping for air. Why does this keep happening? He just wants to rest.

He realizes Sans is holding his hand. He squeezes it, and gets a squeeze back. It’s reassuring. Sans isn’t dead, he isn’t dying, he isn’t going to get bad again. He’s alive and okay, and he’s lying down and watching Papyrus cry and shake and sweat.

Papyrus scoots closer to Sans so that his head is against Sans’s chest. He can hear Sans’s soul, another reminder that his brother is alive and well. Sans hugs him. His arms are nice and cool compared to Papyrus’s feverish body.

Papyrus is about to say sorry, but he corrects himself. “Thank you,” he says instead. His voice vibrates against Sans’s chest.

“Anytime,” murmurs Sans.

With that, Papyrus falls asleep.

—————

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing’s wrong with you. You’re just going through some stuff. It... it happens.”

“Bad things always happen around me.”

“That’s not your fault. It’s just bad luck.”

“That’s what they said about Dad.”

“...”

“But how can it be true? They had a ventilation system, and fire extinguishers, and escape routes, so why did he die? There must be a real reason. There must be a reason for all of this.”

“...I feel like that sometimes.”

“...”

“Like, I think about everything I did that day, and I wonder if anything I did caused it somehow. And I imagine what I would do if I could go back in time to that day. It feels so unfair that I can’t do that.”

“...I imagine stuff like that, too. Sometimes.”

“Thinking like that isn’t going to bring him back. It’s just going to hurt you more.”

“So? I want it to hurt. I don’t want to feel okay about our father being dead. It’s never going to be okay.”

“...”

“Sometimes I get scared you’ll die too. And then I get so convinced it’s going to happen, I plan for it. I know where I’ll put the dust, and what I’ll say at the funeral, and everything.”

“Papyrus...”

“I also have some plans for if I die first. I have them hidden under my mattress, but don’t read them until I’m dead. I’m only telling you where they are so you’ll know where to look.”

“...okay.”

“...I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“It’s all right, I’m glad you told me.”

“...”

“...you know, you deserve to be happy. You deserve so much better than this. You’re the best person I know, Papyrus. So many people are going to love you. This is going to pass, and you’re going to have such an amazing life. And I’ll be there with you the whole time.”

“...how can you say that?”

“‘Cause I know you. I’ve known for a long time how incredible you are. I see it in everything you do. You’re kind and selfless and smart and talented... just being around you makes me happy.”

“...”

“Is this happy crying or sad crying?”

“I don’t know... I don’t know if I believe you. Whatever you see in me, I haven’t seen it.”

“That’s okay. I’ll just keep pointing it out to you until you do see it. No matter how long it takes.”

“But what if you can’t see the part of me that’s bad?”

“You aren’t bad. Just because bad things are happening to you, doesn’t mean you’re bad. None of this is who you are.”

“I don’t know...”

“That’s okay. One day, you will.”

“I’m so tired of this, Sans. I want it to stop.”

“I know. And it will. But for now, I’m here for you.”

“...you sound like Dad.”

“...heh. I guess I do.”

“.........”

“Good night, Papyrus.”

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday Zeke! Sorry this isn’t dying leaves.
> 
> (If you like this AU you’ll also like Dying Leaves. Check it out at @zestories on tumblr)


End file.
